Feel Good, Not Good

The series reminded me of my very personal experiences. I somehow feel to be the combination of both Mae and George. How? Mae is much needed. And George is surrounded by those mean "friends".

I left my hometown about 4 years ago. In a new city, with everything new, I tried to stay connected to my old life - those friends, those habits, basically everything I can. But things can not always be that ideal. Trying to hold on to every person around me made me really hard. I had to tolerate their bad habits, their judgement, and even sometimes discrimination. Until today, I am still doing those things, trying to please others. I know that's not a great way to let others know me. I keep on putting others feel good as the first principle to communicate with others. That's bad, not only for me but for them.

Maybe someday, or starting today, I should stand up and defend myself, and my values. It's not necessarily intensive as what George does in the show. I can explore a new way, my way.

As for the part like Mae, there's too much to say. The writing is superb for effectively showing how Mae is dependent on George. I am insecure in almost all my relationships, while most of them suck. I have taken considerable time in figuring out the relationship. Do those guys fancy me, or do they merely treat me like a sex toy, a method to kill time? I always need some confirmation, and I mean it it's always. I am afraid the status is not synchronised with the other. I may make some move far beyond. I may take the other my whole world. I may, just like Mae, get addicted to the other. Is that good? After the show, I am still confused. Those questions always pop up in my mind. Will he still pay attention to me after he has completely got me? Will he still enjoy my terrible jokes? Am I still making him comfortable? Will I get abandoned one day? I get addicted because of my lack of confidence, our difference and my bad memories, maybe.

In the series, Mae relapses. Will I relapse just like her over and over? Let's see.